Locked out of heaven
by YulianaHenderson
Summary: "'Do you want to hurt me more? Make me realize that I am too late? Or are you here to say that you're pregnant? Because really, Lisbon, I couldn't care less. Just go away.' When she didn't move to walk away, he sighed. 'Congratulations, whoohoo,' he muttered, and that was when anger exploded inside her like a grenade and she couldn't stop it." Jisbon, one-shot. T for language.


**A/N: I think I should explain a few things: I've got a new story going on, not just in my mind but on my computer as well, so be warned, I'm gonna spam you with that, definitely. The story, btw, is gonna be called 'Once Upon a Child', and if you're on Tumblr a lot, you've probably already read the first chapter because I posted a preview on there ^^ But before I'm posting the full story here, I want to finish The Great Mr Jane. I don't think it's going to have that much chapters, considering the length of most chapters, but I'm gonna see what I can make of it.**

**Oh, and I'm still a bit ill. I went to see the doctor yesterday and she told me I've either got the stomach flu or a kidney stone. Considering I'm not throwing up or anything, it can't be the stomach flu so it's a kidney stone. It hurts like hell but I'll survive. But that is also the reason I haven't been here that much in the past few days. So sorry!**

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine.**

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**_'Locked out of heaven'_**

It had been three months. Three long, excruciating months.

And she still hadn't noticed anything.

The team couldn't really blame her. It was the first move she made at building a future, even if it was doomed to be destroyed. She could get at least a few months of happiness after all that she had been through, concerning _him_.

Speaking of Jane, _he_ hadn't left his couch in these three months. He couldn't think of a reason to do so, except for the moments where she ordered him to come with one of the team – they never went together anymore.

It was great to see that Lisbon was able to forget Jane so quickly, and all the stupid and dangerous actions he had once done, but she wasn't the one having to experience his melancholic mood the entire day. Since she didn't want him to come with her anymore to a crime scene and told one of the team to go with him instead, she wouldn't ever see it. Well, maybe she did see it, after all, she had a great view on the bullpen and his couch from her office, but just chose to ignore it.

She had all right to, really. They really couldn't blame her. She had been through six months of hell when he had left and the months after were maybe even worse, so she had all right to be happy again – but she was hurting Jane now and though the team hated him for what he'd done, it wasn't fair.

The team had good hopes that the two would reunite one day, that Lisbon would ditch her rich boyfriend Paul, and come to her senses about her feelings for Jane, but all these hopes were crushed when Lisbon marched into the bullpen one day, literally beaming and the despair the team had all felt these three months quickly invaded all their senses and left them numb – they had a nagging idea as to how she could be so happy.

She clapped in her hands, and the three hesitantly turned towards her, not wanting this moment to happen. It was going to be disastrous and Lisbon didn't even know it yet.

"I want to inform all of you that you're invited for my wedding to Paul," she smiled, and Van Pelt was the only one succeeding in feigning a believable happy expression. She didn't say anything though, just smiled at her boss. Somewhere deep down, she was happy for her, but she wished it hadn't turned out to be like this.

Cho and Rigsby hesitated in reacting as well, causing Lisbon's smile to falter.

"What's wrong?"

The three shook their head, faintly, and Lisbon sighed.

"Okay, what did I miss?" she asked, her dreamy voice replaced by her bossy voice again.

Before any of the three could explain anything, Jane got up from his couch and murmured a soft 'Congratulations' before escaping the bullpen and presumably walking into the direction of his attic.

It hadn't escaped either of their attention that they could see tears streaming down his face, and it had shocked all of them, even the team who had witnessed all his down moments in the past months. Jane never deliberately showed anyone his feelings, and even if he did, he always covered them up a bit. He never allowed himself to cry, and yet this was exactly what he was doing.

"What was that about-"

"He's in love you," Rigsby interrupted Lisbon, and she frowned.

"No he's not."

"But he is, though."

Lisbon seemed thrown off guard by this, completely not getting where this was coming from. The team noticed that she was genuinely surprised and shocked – so she really hadn't seen the signs. She really hadn't seen any of it. The shock had been genuine.

"What... what do you mean, he's in love with me?"

The team didn't answer her, and she swallowed. She fumbled at her clothes for a while, everybody eerily quiet, before she took in a deep breath.

"And you knew of this?"

The team nodded. She sighed.

She lowered her arms and resolutely stormed away, to the direction of Jane's attic. The team exchanged some looks, not sure whether they had to be happy or not. Whatever Lisbon was planning on doing, it couldn't be good.

-YulianaHenderson-

"Jane," Lisbon whispered gently, but he didn't turn around. She swallowed.

Was this her fault? It couldn't be, right?

"Just go away, Teresa," he whispered, shaking his head.

"Jane-"

"Go away..."

"No."

Jane turned around to her, a small frown gracing his precious face but that was honestly not the first thing she saw – his eyes were red and his cheeks wet.

She couldn't accept that this was all her doing. There had to be more to it. It wasn't like he had showed any interest in her – romantically, that is. He had had enough time to do anything with his feelings, if these feelings were really true, and she wasn't about to let him _cry_ over her.

Even if she had never ever felt so sad in her entire life just by looking at someone.

"Why won't you go away, Lisbon? Do you want to rub into my face that you're taken?"

She looked at him. Not knowing why he was saying this.

"Do you want to hurt me more? Make me realize that I am too late? Or are you here to say that you're pregnant? Because really, Lisbon, I couldn't care less. Just go away."

When she didn't move to walk away, he sighed.

"Congratulations, whoohoo," he muttered dryly, and that was when anger exploded inside her like a grenade and she couldn't stop it.

"What the hell is your problem, Jane? You spent weeks, months, _years_, hurting me, deceiving me, and I didn't _once_ have the feeling that you ever thought more of me than a mere prop, a pawn. And now you act as if I have always been yours, claiming me and acting all jealous of Paul? Screw you, Jane!"

"No, that's _not_ true-"

"Then what _is_, Jane? What the hell _is_ true?"

"Nothing!" he exclaimed, jumping up and quickly approaching her. He frantically swung his hands in the air, up and down, making panicked sounds, and she had never seen him in this way. Had never seen him so upset and frantic. "Nothing is true, and nothing makes sense! Nothing, completely nothing!" He groaned. "It's all a mess in my head! A big, confusing mess!"

"Then talk to me!"

"Why would that solve anything, Lisbon?"

"Because obviously _I_'m the reason for that mess!"

"But you've always been the reason for any mess in my head in all these years! I never talked to you before about it so why would I do so now?" he exclaimed. Lisbon would've been scared with other people but the only thing she felt inside her was more rage and more anger.

"Because you're upset and I care about you enough to let you do that! You could learn something from that!"

She saw the hurt in his eyes just before he averted them. He turned around to face the window.

"Go away, Lisbon. Please. I will do stupid things if I talk to you."

"Then risk it. I'm not leaving before you tell me." She paused. "I'm not_ marrying_ before you finally told me-"

"And that's the problem!" he exclaimed, turning back around. She frowned. Then, she realized what he meant and her lips parted a bit at the shock. He averted his eyes briefly, then focused on her again.

"Yes, that's right. I'm in love with you and I can't watch you marrying another man. I can't. It will tear me apart. And if I talk to you now about this mess inside my head I will tear you apart as well. I want you to be happy, and Paul can give you what you _deserve_. But I can't watch you moving on."

She swallowed several times, not able to get rid of the lump in her throat. He approached her slowly, and when he'd reached her, he placed both his hands on her shoulders. He bent his knees a bit to be on her eye-level, and she reluctantly looked into his eyes.

"I wish you the best of luck, and I'm serious, Teresa. I want you to be happy, you deserve it. But if you thought I was going to watch you walk down that aisle, then you're wrong. I'm sorry." He hesitated, then leaned in and placed a kiss on her forehead. "I love you, Teresa. No matter what."

She swallowed. "What... what are you going to do... now? Are you going to leave the CBI?"

He shook his head. "My life is here. I can't just leave. And anyway, I may not be able to watch you marrying Paul but I can't stand not seeing you _at all_ for the rest of my life either."

"But... what if I get..."

"Pregnant? It will hurt, but I'll be happy for you. Maybe Paul will allow me to babysit your child from time to time."

She shook her head. "Jane, this is... I mean..."

"Teresa, it's for the best. I don't want you to be lonely for the rest of your life just because _I_ wasn't ready to face my feelings for you. You showed me in the past eight years how important your love can be to somebody and now I want you to show Paul." When she opened her mouth, he shook his head. "Don't make this more difficult than it already is, Teresa. Turn around, go call Paul and tell him how much you love him. At least do it for me."

She shook her head again, but after a while realized he was right. This was for the best. She loved Paul, it would be alright. But she would be leaving Jane behind, her best friend, even more than that even though she had always been scared of that thought.

Damn, she was confused.

She swallowed and stepped back a bit, seeing nothing but pain in his eyes. Oh god, this hurt more than she had anticipated.

Still, somehow she managed to reach the doors, not quite comprehending how she could do it. He wanted to turn around, she could see it, but she also saw that he couldn't take his eyes off her.

He was in love with her. And didn't want her to marry another man. But he accepted it anyway because he _loved_ her.

If she would walk out of this room, it wouldn't just be out of this room, but out his reach as well. But he didn't stop her.

She remained right before the threshold for a while, not looking away from him, but when she raised one foot and put it over the threshold, her heart broke when she saw, even from the distance between them, that his eyes filled with tears.

She couldn't take it anymore.

She strode over to him with a few long steps, swung her arms around his neck and linked their lips. He was more than startled, he almost pushed her away but she just moved closer, and he couldn't deny what was happening anymore.

He reached around her to cradle her back, pulling her to his body so close, she felt like she was a drug addict and she'd just gotten her fix. She couldn't believe that she had stayed away from him for _eight years_.

"Teresa," he managed to murmur in between kisses, but she shook her head.

"I love you, Patrick. And I'm gonna break a heart now but I'm not marrying Paul."

"Teresa, no-"  
She silenced him with a kiss, a passionate one, his taste exploding inside of her mouth. She almost passed out – he was perfect.

She pulled away when she was almost choking for air, and instead wrapped her arms around his chest and hugged him fiercely.

"But what about Paul?"

"It was not meant to be anyway. It didn't feel right when he proposed."

"But you looked so happy," he whispered, confused.

"That was because I _was_ happy, but for all the wrong reasons. I can't even explain it myself. Maybe it was the feeling that finally, after being alone for twenty years, I finally had found someone that wanted to be with me, even if it wasn't entirely true love. Someone cared about me and actually _showed_ it. Perhaps that was the reason I was happy. And the fact that Paul wanted to sacrifice his freedom to live with me forever just warmed my heart. But it... it wasn't that kind of love, I suppose. It wasn't from the beginning. I love him, but as a good friend, one that kisses me when I need it."

He smiled faintly, burying his face in her hair.

"I'm not that to you too, am I?"

She shook her head. "You are my best friend, but so much more too."

They stayed like that for a while, before she softly pushed him away. She took victory out of the tiny sound from the back of his throat Jane made when he lost his touch on her.

She grabbed both his hands and looked into his sea-green eyes, hoping she could show him all the love she held for him just by doing that.

"Will you please marry me, Patrick?" she asked breathlessly, and just like before, Jane was actually startled. She didn't know how much his heart could take at the moment, and by the widening of his eyes, she concluded that it probably was too much.

Well, she thought that_ before_ he wrapped his arms around her tightly, feeling how he surrendered to all his feelings and he started crying softly.

"Yes, I will, Teresa. I would love to."

She smiled, and gently kissed the skin in his neck. He pulled her even closer to him and made her recede to his make-shift bed. When the bed hit the backs of her knees, she fell backwards and he fell with her, on her immediately.

"I'm so sorry for hurting you, Teresa," he whispered as he went to nuzzle the skin on her collarbone.

She felt a tear escaping her eyes too, and she took in a shuddering breath. She hadn't even noticed she was getting this emotional.

She hadn't known that Paul was more than happy to break off the engagement – and at first, she hadn't know if she should've been offended, before he had explained that he already seen the sparks between her and Jane and he had known from the beginning that he wasn't the man for her. And he had explained he had made it his mission to get her and Jane together, even if that had meant proposing to her. Well, it turned out to be the best move he had ever made.

Because as Lisbon and Jane fell asleep in each other's arms, she felt happy for the first time in her life.

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**A/N: I know, it's a bit weird, but I'd still like to know what you think!**


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